Dear Me,

I was looking for some blog posting ideas and came across this one: Write a letter to your 18-year-old self. This spoke to me, so I will speak to myself. Wanna eavesdrop?

Dear Me,

There is so much I want to tell you about your life and what is going to happen in the next 9 years. You would be astounded at the events that are going to take place. I won't outline them, because even though some are unpleasant, I really don't want to change much. I like who I am now. You will like who you will turn out to be, too. The occurrences in your life will make you into me, so just trust your best judgement. It will be ok. Just remember that. You will need a lot of encouragement.

You will not recognize yourself, soon. Soon you will become almost the complete opposite of what you are now. In less than 2 years, your ideals will be challenged. The things you believe about yourself and the world will be proved false. It will take years, but you will finally understand how petty, immature, and judgemental you are. You will walk away from your faith and you will be happy about it. You will realize how imperfect you are and embrace that. You will forgive yourself for being human. You will learn to live without guilt.

You are going to make some crappy decisions about love. It is ok. In the end, you will be happy, although not with the person you think right now. #1 is a mistake. #2 is an even more colossal mistake. The list you have of standards for the man of your dreams? Throw it out of the window. It is crap. The next list you make? Throw 75% of it out of the window after the first. Most of it is crap, too. Relax. Learn to relax. Realize that love is important and most of all, possible.

You are going to have a child out of wedlock. It will be ok. You will be a good mother. I know this goes against every principle you have, but your principles will change. This one event will make you more human than anything else in your life thus far. You will understand how things happen. You will understand that this even actually made you a better person, rather than a worse one. You will be sorry you ever judged anyone in this predicament as weak because you will find out the level of strength needed to walk in these shoes. You will never ever ever regret it or think of it as a mistake. Your choice in father for this child....this will be your only regret. Do not fear him. Time will take care of him. Much time was spent being afraid, but you will be saved. By someone else. Sometimes we have to rely on others to be our rescuers. Realize that it is ok to ask for help. It is ok to depend on others.

On some lighter notes:

• Look at your body. You are one hot mama. You will never look this good again, so enjoy it. Buy cute clothes. Go out dancing. Have a good time. Be young. Your youth is very fleeting.
• Sex is not a sin. Repeat that over and over.
• You are a child-birthing genius.
• Wear high heels as much as you can. Your husband will be a shorty-pants.
• Best years of your life? Your undergrad years. It. was. Awesome.
• You will barely remember grad school, so don't moan and groan so much while you are going.
• You are gonna have some damn cute kids.
• Life is going to turn out GREAT. Sometimes it won't seem like it, but it will. I promise. Trust me, I have been there.

Love,

You