Christmas Blues

I am feeling a bit down.

• I have just finished wrapping all of the Christmas presents for the children. While I think it is a respectable little Christmas, it all fits into a single box. For some reason, this is depressing me, even though I know Wii games and MP3 players are just little.
• I am having an involuntary fight with my MIL. I pissed her off. I had a good reason for my actions. Rather than her ask me WHY I behaved in such a manner, she simply is mad because I acted the way I did. I can't think of anything nice to say to her ill-informed emails, so I am just keeping my mouth shut. My mother always says, "If you can't say anything nice, don't talk." Still, this doesn't stop me from arguing with her in my head. It is very distracting and I wish I would stop it.
• Honey has a job interview tomorrow. And while I want him to have a job, just for his own sake and not any other reason (i.e. financial), this job is Far Away. And...I don't want him working Far Away and stuck in Bad Traffic every day.
• I wanted to make fudge. I haven't gotten around to making fudge.
• Brother is going with my parents to visit relatives for a week rather soon. I am sad he is going. Of course, I am glad he gets to go visit and see snow...but I miss him already. I sleep better at night when my children are all under my roof. What am I going to do when they move out?
• I am feeling motivated to do something about the poundage I am carrying around, but also feel that I can't act on such motivation because I am worried about milk supply issues that may come up. I argue with myself a lot. I want to try because my clothes don't fit and I am miserable and also jiggly. Similarly, if I lost/hurt my supply because I wanted to fit into smaller jeans, I would hate myself.

On a more positive note, I am very excited about Christmas. I want to make graham cracker "gingerbread" houses with the kids this week and also fudge for the neighbors...and I will! Today is my last day of work until the New Year and my folks gave us a big ole pile of money to buy fireworks to welcome in 2011. We are still getting Christmas cards every day and my parents really liked the presents we got for them. Oh! And I got a nice watch and neat wall hangings and the kids got great presents from my parents this past weekend.

Maybe things aren't so blue after all.

No one wants to read this shit...

Well, it's been a month and I would like to thank the world for my "Most Unresponsive Blog-type Person" award. It has been duly earned.

Life has been a series of twists and turns of the unpleasant sort. But good stuff, too. There's always the happy bits that make life bearable. Like cute kids and a great husband and a roof over one's head.

Anyway, at the end of October, we lost one of the incomes from our two income household...which, of course, was the much much larger one. Goodbye 60% of our money! We...well. We will miss you. We still do. Feels like a lot of the charm has been sucked out of our charmed life. I try to be patient with my husband. It is not his fault and he feels terrible, I can tell. But it's just shit. No one to blame, really. Contracts come and contracts go...and we are done with contracts, hopefully. Anyway, it is a craptastic time of year to be looking for work unless you want to shuffle cheap Chinese crap at the DollarTree. (No hating, really. I love the DollarTree.) So, many positive interviews, many headhunters/recruiters, etc. later, and we are still on one income. Folks are just 'waiting for the New Year' or some bull like that. At least, that is what I am crossing my fingers for.

We managed to put together a decent Christmas for the kids, which is good. Honey and I both got a little something from each other as well. A very small little something, but oh well. I told him that we could have a really nice Valentine's Day this year if he wanted. Honey likes toys more than I do but I think it is bothering him that I am not letting him buy for me this year. It's just stuff. We need other things more. And I did do some shopping earlier in the year, which took care of a lot of people. Now I just have the nieces... and I need to ship stuff. Gah.

I still wanted to do a little something for teachers/day care providers/neighbors so I tried my hand at making Candy Cane Fudge. OMG! I have never made fudge before but it is so freaking easy, I can scarcely believe it. 1.5 bags of chocolate chips, a can of condensed milk, a splash of peppermint extract (which I am sure I have on hand due to Swistle) and vanilla, and voila! Fudge! Beat the ever loving bejesus out of some candy canes and squish the broken chips into the top of the setting fudge. Yum-O. And I don't even like fudge.

Tomorrow is our annual luncheon for work and we do a Dirty Santa ornament exchange, which is always fun. Until I took one last look at my beautiful glass Christmas bulb, hand painted with a snowman and stars, and noticed a crack. Oh for the love of Pete. So now I have to go buy a new, non-cracked one, by tomorrow. And Baby has a Dr. appointment this afternoon. And I need containers for fudge. And a social worker from some other state has decided that I need to help her set up her library. Tomorrow morning. And Skeleton Crew starts soon, which means I get nearly two paid weeks off to spend trying not to lose my temper with my sweet young children as Christmas comes and goes.

Anyway, life is busy, work is busy. Things will be different in 2011, but sometimes change is good. Sometimes you have to rise from the ashes, you know?