Due Date and Dirty Laundry

Today is my due date. I am still pregnant. And! At work. I deserve a cookie.

Really though, it is no hardship. I sit at a desk for the vast majority of the day and have a chair that can lean way way back whenever I need to quit hunching over the keyboard. I will be induced early on Wednesday if there's no baby before then. Honestly? I think I will make it to Wednesday. I am not feeling particularly bad (right now) and whenever I do feel rough, (usually in the evenings) it doesn't last very long.

Do you know, this is my first due date that I have ever had where I am still pregnant? Really. I feel like proud and accomplished. I have no clue why. Its not like there's a prize for staying pregnant longer and indeed, some would put that in the 'punishment' category. But that is how I feel.

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My wedding anniversary is coming up in a few weeks. I asked my husband what he would like for his anniversary, because I have to get it now or it may not be got. My husband is a freaking fabulous guy who works hard and helps around the house and doesn't argue and is nearly always in a good mood. But when I ask him a question about his wants, it feels like he is...young. Like 5. Like when you ask a 5 year old what they want for their birthday and they say, "A Pony! And a transformer-megatron-fortress with REAL LASERS built exclusively from toothpicks by British elves! And every single thing that is and ever was in the inventory of Toys R Us! And a PONY!"

Ok, I am exaggerating a little bit. And I love him loads, but he really does get the best presents. Probably because he asks for them... I am more likely to do something foolish like:

"Dear, what do you want for Mother's Day?"
"A broom."
"A broom???"
"Yes, and a new dust pan to go with it."
(Unfortunately, this is an actual example.)

I am a practical girl. I don't have a long list of wants. He is not as practical. Which is fine, really. Anyway, so for the anniversary, he asked for a new gizmo and I must have tipped him off by my body language (or, you know, by saying "#$%@!!!") that perhaps Christmas would be a better time to ask for expensive gizmos. Then he asked for underpants.

Anyway, even the underpants request is a bit amusing. When we first started dating, he was living in a dorm and had no access to laundry facilities, so I let him use my washer/dryer at my house. Anyway, the man had so many clothes because...he didn't have access to laundry facilities and needed a lot of clean clothes between washings to keep him going. I used to tell him (and still do) that he has more underpants than God. Anyway, when he said he wanted underpants, I kind of looked at him blankly and said, "Ok. Any particular requests?" He said, "Enough so that I can throw out all of my current underpants and have all new underpants."

Perhaps we should coin the term: practical extravagance.

Now, I have no intention of buying the man underpants for his anniversary. I will get the requested underpants. But five bucks says that he adds them to his collection and doesn't throw out any existing underpants and therefore, have an underpants collection that makes God green with jealousy.

Maternity/Family Pictures

As promised! I will try to get the nursery pictures taken/up this week as well.


And now they are removed....Adios!

Jokes

I had an ultrasound yesterday. Thanks to the gods who control such things, I didn't have to have an examination by Dr. Snow Shovel Hands as he was called away to an emergency c-section and I am just not a patient kind of girl when it comes to flipping through old issues of Parents in a waiting room. (I was really dreading the exam. Hello! "When you walked in, you were only 2 centimeters, but after this exam, you're 5!" Kill me. Literally, the first/last/only time he examined me, I hit him and swore. Honey jumped out his seat. Next time he examines me? I want an epidural first.) Anyway, have you ever had an ultrasound this late in the game? I haven't. Not a thorough one, anyway. Did you know that you can see if the baby has HAIR in an ultrasound? Well you can. And my little baby has hair.

In fact, since Dr. Hands wasn't there, I had to go back today and see the nurse practitioner. I like her. She has normal-sized hands. Anyway, she was rummaging around down there and told me she could feel the baby's hair through the water bag.

I am apparently going to give birth to a tiny chimpanzee.

When I called Honey to give him an update and told him this fact, his first reaction was not a chuckle at my chimpanzee joke or even wonder that you could tell such a thing prior to birth. It was: "What's she doing poking around in there! She's going to break something!"

This still makes me laugh.

To complete this whole obstetrical comedy, I get back to my office and the doctor's office calls me on my cell. Hundreds of ill things go through my mind. Like, they found protein in the urine sample. Or one of the doctors looked at my ultrasound and freaked out because the baby is only! six! pounds! (They have been harping about his size for months. I think 6 lbs is a perfectly respectable baby size. But what do I know? I don't have 'God' tattooed on my ass.)

No, they told me that they tentatively had me scheduled to be induced on Monday! And wanted to 'offer' that to me. My reply: "Um. No." Gee, you think they could have told me while I was there for the hour and 15 minutes "We are thinking that you giving birth Monday would be good for us. Whaddaya say?" But, no. My due date is the 26th and I would like to make it to that date, if not a bit beyond. Make sure he is "all done" in there, you know?

I am highly amused at all of this. I feel like my life is a sitcom.

Listy

Here's a random list, because that is all I can get my brain to do. Sadly, much of it is complain-y. Sorry about that.

• I've been uncomfortable a lot lately. I feel like I am having contractions, but seeing as I have always been induced and had an epidural before any painful contractions set in...I am getting kind of paranoid. Would someone please tell me how I know when I am in labor?
• I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I am nervous they are going to tell me I am having a baby. Or that I have to have the baby that day. Or something. I don't want to have a baby tomorrow. I'm not ready.
• I just ate lunch literally 25 minutes ago. I am hungry. I have never been so freaking constantly hungry in all my life. I dearly hope this is going to go away after the baby is born or I am in trouble.
• My electric bill doubled from last month. I. Don't. Care. Air conditioning is a necessity. I would have shriveled up and died without it. Or incinerated my family with my flaming temper.
• We got Big Brother Presents for the boys! I got Brother a new scooter and Jelly Bean a PlazmaCar (as recommended by Swistle.) I also bought a new car seat for the baby. Whee!
• The boys bought the baby little presents to take to the hospital as well. I wanted to have presents from the baby to them as well and I know what I want...I just got to buy it. Too much to do! Too much to do!
• I got the proofs for the maternity pictures and as soon as I get my files, I will share. I think they came out pretty good, but I made a poor wardrobe choice and in some of them, I don't really look pregnant at all. Which was kind of the point.
• I am a bit worried about my organization while I am on maternity leave. Not that I think I am indispensable or anything weird like that. I just...worry about the burden being placed on other staff members. In my head, I want to be in communication and do what I can from home...but I am going to cut myself a break if that doesn't happen.
• I wanted to have Brother's school stuff all ready and bought and ready and and and...before the baby is born. I have not done this. It is bothering me.
• Honey started his new job and is pleased thus far. Cross your fingers for us.