Up

I am up. Been up for a while. Can't sleep because still upset by the rotten day I had at work yesterday. That and I think the thrush is coming back (as detailed here).

I am hoping today is better. I will make a conscious effort to NOT be passive-aggressive, even though I feel undervalued for the extra time and effort I have been putting in lately and generally despised by my fellow co-workers. I might not feel that way in a couple days, but I feel that way now. And...heartbroken. I literally had someone who I felt I was really close to tell me the most heartwrenching thing. I feel like we have "broken up," in a way. I am not sure how I am going to face her tomorrow. See, I don't have many friends (gee, Misty, I wonder why) and I feel like I lost one.

*BIG Sigh*

So I am just bummed. I do think that I am going to quit putting in overtime though. I have been having issues where I was wondering if I even wanted to have more kids and even rethinking my SAHM fantasies. Did I really want this? Budgeting is really hard and I feel like we are just swimming in circles in the great fishbowl of debt. Maybe if I work my ass off, my boss will notice and maybe I can move up, or get some new responsibilities or maybe even a promotion. I just have to show her I am willing to "do what it takes." But when you are in this office, the work never ends and really just piles up around you like the fall leaves. So, I have been doing the time, leaving the kids in daycare longer, doing work at home, educating myself on work-related topics on my own time. Well, a lot of work was getting done on my own time. But is this all worth it? I am not sure I want to deal with all of the crapola that comes with this job. Who needs responsibilities that never get accomplished and stress you completely out, anyway?

Anyway, I am starting to rethink this whole idea. If I buckle down, I could be a SAHM in about two years. It will take some tightening of the belt, but we might be able to swing it. Or maybe I could get a little part-time job in a public library or something, to try to contribute. Make some mad money. But Mission One: Pay off the cards and the vehicle. Think I can do it? I am going to need some encouragement. Sometimes I feel like Honey isn't really into this whole "life plan." Understandably, he is scared about having to take care of us all by his-own-self. But! He will deal. I have wanted this since I was a teenager.

With that, do you have any mad-money making schemes? I like the idea of making gift baskets and I am pretty good at them. (Believe it or not, I do them for work sometimes.) Or some other type of crafty thing. (Not that we have the capital or the space to do such things. Ah, pipe dreams.) I like the idea of getting Honey to take more pictures to maybe sell online. I think that would make him really happy as well. I like the idea of sending out some submissions like the kinds listed here, but think that maybe I am not good enough. I don't know. What do you think?

Forget work. Maybe I will take the day off.