Ok

This morning I got on the scale. It reads 20 lbs less than it did on May 31st when I started. I would be a liar if I said I wasn't pleased with myself. I am. But I haven't wanted to talk about it a whole lot because I don't want to spend my life focusing on food and exercise. Yes, I eat differently now. Yes, I exercise more than I used to, but still wish I did more. If I keep losing weight at this approximate rate, I should be at my goal by 2012. That would be really nice, but I am counting on slowing down during the holidays. These things just happen. Really, I am the same person. Just with a slightly smaller pant size and less heartburn and not so much cake. I still want french fries and fried chicken a lot. Sometimes I get them and sometimes I choose something else.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I was ok before. I am ok now. I will be ok in 4-6 months. I get tired of the idea of one beauty. It is oppressive. It sucks away my soul to think that there is only one way to look to be beautiful and that is a size 0 with DD boobs. Something I will never ever be. I would also be a liar if I said I didn't sometimes believe in the twiggy mythology. But I always think about that post and realize that I don't want to spend all my energy focusing on one thing that is going to turn to dust eventually. (Know what? That is not the exact right post. Can't find it...)

And you might disagree with me. You might feel differently. That is ok, too. There is room for all kinds of differences in the world, even belief differences. I think we would all be happier if we could just accept how we look today, in these jeans and those flip-flops and say, "Today, I am ok."