We talk about when the kids are in high school and what we would like for them. I started working when I was 15, but Honey didn't work until he was out of high school. I am unsure of whether I want my kids to work early. I think it does cultivate responsibility, but also, there are just a few short years in which to be a kid. I want them to play in the band or on the soccer team. I want them to be able to study during normal hours. I want them to be able to take honors classes and keep up with the coursework and focus on writing scholarship essays to earn money for college. I pulled more all-nighters in high school than I did in college due to my work-and-church schedule.
But I do wonder that if we provide things like cars and car insurance and help with college funding (my parents didn't do any of that - I paid for it all) that this will lead to them not taking their studies seriously or lead to them not developing a good work ethic. I want them to have the opportunities we didn't have, to not come out of college saddled with so much debt, to have a better start than we did.
It is hard to know what to do as a parent. I don't believe my parents were mistaken about how they handled these issues for me. I am incredibly independent and solution-focused. I have a good work ethic. But I do wish I had more time in high school to just be a kid. I never felt like a kid, leaving the house before 6:30 in the morning and getting home after 11 to a pile of homework. I had a lot on my plate and stepped up to the challenge responsibly. I honestly don't know how I did it all.
We are going to have to let the future play out as it will. The right decision is hard to make 6-7 years in advance. Brother right now WANTS to work when he is old enough and I don't think I have it in me to tell him he can't if that is what he wants. I guess I just want to leave room for him not to sling burgers or wait tables and really focus on enjoying the time when he is still in our care.
4 comments:
You just articulated every single fear/worry/concern I have about helping decide my daughter's future. The only one you missed is whether it's better to try to be more of a friend when she hits high school or to be a stict parent. Is there any in between? Who knows? Not me, that's who.
The rule in my parents' home was that work was for the summer, and the school year was for homework and after-school activities and such. I worked part-time in college (20 hours/week), and amongst my friends this was strange. The rest of them also only worked during breaks in the summertime (notably taking in more in one summer than I did in 9 months at school). I think we'll do the same for our kids (Gregg grew up in a similar household). It made us financially responsible but it also gave us room to be kids. We also didn't NEED the money, so that was a big difference. I think my financial responsibility came from watching my parents, not from working, anyhow. I've never been in debt except for the mortgage and have never charged more on a credit card than I could pay, and I am insufferably, painfully cheap, and my husband is the same way. I think it has a lot more to do with parenting than working.
Oh, and I should add: I still didn't feel like a kid in high school! I remember feeling overwhelmed just with school and activities, so I have NO CLUE how you do it. Good for you :)
Yes yes yes to everything you said. Though I think it applies to both high school and college.
I worked in high school, but just for "fun" - meaning not a lot of hours and it was more a social thing more than anything.
I had to work in college to support myself, though not as much as my husband did. He worked full time in college, which means he came out debt free, but he didn't get to do many of the normal college things. I did too many of the fun college things and I'm still paying off my student loans, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
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