It is easy to be heavy, hard to be light.
I want to be able to smirk at the future with an ironic grin that says, "Take your best shot. You can't best me." I want that confidence.
It is easy to be heavy, hard to be light.
I want to lower my "give-a-shit" factor so I don't have panic attacks by simply reading the news. I want to be full of happy memories and fun. I want to be the kind of person that not only everyone wants to be around, but that *I* want to be around.
It is easy to be heavy, hard to be light.
It is much easier for me to tell you that we had Scooter's 1 month check up and he couldn't get any of his scheduled vaccines due to the diagnosis of the egg allergy. And that he has slipped on the growth chart into the 3rd percentile from the 30th just a few months ago and the Allergist hasn't explained anything properly to anyone and we have to bulk up his diet with I-don't-know-what-just-yet and go back in two weeks. And how I just want to cry and cry and I wonder how you all do it. How you make sure everyone is well fed, well educated, well rounded with adequate social activities and exercise and everything else a little human being needs to grow.
Looking in from the outside, parenting never looks this damn hard.
It is easy to be heavy, hard to be light.
I need some new coping mechanisms. Maybe I can start with reason: I know this is just a phase of growth, that is why it seems so hard. We will figure it out. We will soon know what to do. People do this everyday. We can do it, too.
4 comments:
I think even when we're not going through difficult times it can be hard to be light. It's so much easier to see all the bad stuff in the world and let it weigh me down. If it helps, I've got your back.
You can do it! We all can, and if it makes you feel any better, we're all in it together! I have felt the way you're describing many times.
For me what happens is I see ONE blogger obviously keeping her house way cleaner than mine, and ANOTHER blogger doing these awesome nutritious menus, and ANOTHER blogger doing fun projects with her kids, and ANOTHER blogger taking her kids on great educational/fun outings, and ANOTHER blogger doing lots of playdates, and ANOTHER blogger taking her kids to art classes and soccer----and I feel like ALL the bloggers are doing ALL those things. When actually, we're all juggling, and we tend to write excitedly about what's going well at the moment.
I will admit that the reason I didn't write for 4 months is because the whole time I had my mothers words in my ears "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". So I stopped writing and things were shitty, and in lots of ways they still are. Not writing about it didn't help. I am still not sure if I am going to write about it. Maybe. It is easier to heavy and hard to be light. You are so right.
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