Degrees

This morning I was listening to NPR where Tobias Wolff was being interviewed about a new collection of short stories he has compiled, some old and some new. Listening to his words and the way he thought of the world and portrayed it through literature gave me waves of nostalgia of late high school and undergrad years. Oh, my love. The Written Word. How I have missed thee.

A couple of things Wolff said just stuck in my head and resounded with truth. There are moments throughout our lives that may or may not be epiphanal. But each little step we take in a slightly different direction can change our lives with great magnitude at a later date. Just one degree of turning to the left or to the right. Think of how small a degree is, really. Doesn't that have a 'wow' factor? It just hammered home how important little decisions are. So, of course, I started thinking about all of the little decisions we have made in our family lately. Deciding to start recycling and composting, for one. We have went from filling up the huge green monster of a trash can outside of our backdoor every week to only having one or two lonely bags sitting on the bottom of the bag. Look at this! I eye the rest of the street with the bulky green cans overfilling with trash and even some additional bags sitting on the ground all around, building a skirt for the mess. And I do not feel smug. I feel sad. We should all take a step in this direction. Just one degree. It is not hard really. It was not expensive; practically free really. It does not take much more out of our lives. Maybe a cumulative of 20 minutes a week, really. But, just look at the difference.

Another thing is trying to grow some of our own vegetables. I can go out and cut a giant bowl of tender green lettuces that will last for days and it is always more crisp and fresh than anything I can get at the supermarket. This is one less dose of chemicals I am giving my family. Surely, this little degree change in budget and eating habits and local eating will show a change somewhere, somehow down the road. Every little degree makes a difference.

But next I want to tell you about a small difference that has enormous impact on my family. You all know about my struggles to get debt paid off so that I can stay home with the kids. I have felt like for a long time, my whole future has simultaneously hinged on and been contingent upon this fact. I want to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom. More than just about anything. Sacrifice is ok. But guess what? Numbers don't lie. Even if I paid off Honey's car (and we never ever bought another car again), paid off all of the credit cards (we only have one left, so that is something), AND paid off my student loans (all this together? well over $50,000), I can still not stay home.

Why, you ask? I will tell you why...

(To be continued...)