Ever notice that growing things is a lot like motherhood? Or at least parts are. This is my thought this morning as I am sowing seeds into the garden or flats, according to their preference. Laying them down to doze in the warm sun, bringing up a blanket of fresh earth to envelope and protect them until they are ready to make their own way in the world.
Plants are easy to love with a simple fondness that doesn't really have a sour side. Sure, they need caring for, but they don't whine when you weed or complain while you prune. Jelly Bean has his issues. Like keeping still for a diaper change AND not digging in the poopy mess while I try to mop up his behind. He has also decided that canned carrots are for the birds, and also good for throwing. Even with all that, he is so easy to enjoy. I guess because he has no responsibility other than to be his own little self. Everything he does has a shiny newness.
Brother is different. I wish it weren't so. I don't think it is because of him personally, really. And it makes me sad that everything is a tug of war with him. Give a little, take a little, but not so easy to enjoy. There are fleeting moments where I am not trying to get him to do something and he isn't trying to get me to deviate from making him do something. It is hard to remember he is a little boy, only 7-years-old. I try to be mindful, but our lives are so full, especially during the week when we have just two hours to eat dinner and do homework and get ready for bed. I feel like I am always commanding him to do something. And then, even on the weekends, he has these interests that I can't even listen to. Like video games and Pokemon. I want to listen to his excitement and what he has to say, but even staring right into his eyes when he is speaking of these strange things, my brain involuntarily shuts down. I can't help it. I have tried. Even so, when the neighbor whipped her 5-year-old with a belt on her front porch yesterday, I felt a little better about my parenting skills. I may need to be more mindful and less bossy, but I don't leave welts on my kids.
I fear I am one of those parents who is a good parent to a small child but my parenting ability declines as the child ages. I guess I just have to keep in mind to try harder. Always. Try harder.
3 comments:
I really liked this post. I often fear that I'm good with babies, and as kids get older I'm lost. I keep thinking I will grow with them.
Seven year olds ARE different from babies. You're struggling with Brother because you want him to learn responsibility and self control. I'm sure you're doing a much better job than you give yourself credit for. Like Devan said, I think we grow with them.
I feel the same way sometimes, and ED is only 4. Some days I feel like if I have to answer ONE.MORE.QUESTION I will lose it. He knows I'm frustrated too.
I liked this post; very well written :)
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