Milk. Eggs. Soy. Peanut.
When I started crying in the doctor's office over what the hell I was supposed to do for Scooter's first birthday cake, the nurse practitioner looked at me like I was crazy. She said, "His tongue isn't swelling up, his airways aren't closing, it's ok!" Honest? This did not make me feel better. Sure. There are worse cases, kids whose reactions even this young are more severe. But, hoo boy, just give it time. Allergies are tricky. They can intensify, they can change, then can disappear. But for now, for the next few years, things have to change. And I am not sure what this change is supposed to look like.
When I left the appointment, I felt even worse off than when I went in. Now I have no idea what to do. I feel paralyzed when it comes to making food choices for Scooter. How careful am I supposed to be? Is it like the peanut allergy, where I have to make sure my home, the sitter's home, and my parent's home is nut free? Are we allowed to have milk in the fridge? Is it enough for him not to touch it or consume it? What about cheese? Sour Cream? The eggs in the door? The nurse practitioner told me to go look at FAAN (which, don't you think I HAVE? I have a peanut allergic child. This isn't my first rodeo. Jesus.) and to food test the eggs and soy.
But I have no freaking clue how to do that. I am supposed to...give my kid the stuff he tested positive for? That sounds crazy. You don't food test nut allergies. I have no experience in this. What's more is that she wants ME to give up milk, eggs, soy, and peanuts because I am breastfeeding, even though we have seen him have ZERO reactions whatsoever to my diet. (Never, he was not a gassy, spit-up baby. No gastrointestinal distress, no hives. He has very very mild eczema, but that is it.) So, I am supposed to give my kid allergens straight up, but heaven forbid I put creamer in my coffee at work, lest it cause a reaction? Someone tell me I am not crazy.
I think it is ok for me to grieve. To be upset. And I will junk-punch anyone who tells me I am not allowed to feel the loss of milk and cereal and ranch dressing and baked goods and ice cream and restaurants. I don't do well when I feel out of control. When I feel ignorant. When I don't know the path forward. Trial and error is not the way I tend to function. I am a "research and pick the best path" kind of girl. But where to start? The internet is full of good and bad information and there is no one-size-fits-all.
Where to start.
7 comments:
So sorry to hear this. That sucks! How did you know he was allergic if he wasn't gassy etc?
I hope this gets easier for you :(
Oh Misty. I am so, SO sorry. I don't even know where to begin. You ARE totally allowed to feel lousy about giving up dairy. CHEESE, for goodness sakes. CHEESE! Ugh. My dad is allergic to all of those things, too, and I know this will not help because he is not a baby but a 70 year old man who was diagnosed with all this just a few years ago, but his allergies are already looking better. He has no allergic rxn to peanuts or soy any longer. Also, YES,that nurse is CRAZY to ask you to give up dairy and then say you should give it to him straight. Blerg.
You so totally have a right to grieve. Are you kidding. Totally. And you'll find replacements. I have a relative who can't eat eggs so we use an egg replacer that we get at the baking supply store when we bake. This year I made a Moosewood vegan chocolate cake and he loved it. I bet you will find lots of good vegan baking recipes to enjoy.
I can't imagine how your doc is telling you that you have to go cold turkey on these things too. If he has had no reaction so far I don't understand why? And honestly, cream in your coffee, DO IT. It can't be enough to hurt him. You deserve some small luxury if you are about to overhaul your whole diet.
Hugs Misty! :(
Of course you have a right to grieve! This is a big deal!
miryboo: He had mild reactions when I gave him yogurt and cheese puffs. Hives/rash around the mouth and on the chest. This is what tipped me off to a dairy allergy. If he was having gastrointestinal issues, I would have been more likely to think he was lactose intolerant, rather than a food allergy. Although I wouldn't have ruled it out. Allergies are more scary than a lactose issue to me.
This is just not enough hard data to even know if it's time for grieving yet. Someone needs to give you more information, and this nurse practitioner is obviously not the right one. She is not in her head. It makes no sense for YOU to give up things that are causing no trouble, especially if in another sentence she's saying its no big deal and you should just try him on things. She is making no sense.
I am a fine one to talk about Demanding! Answers! since you know FULL WELL I would be sitting in my house wringing my hands and doing NOTHING ABOUT IT, but when it's SOMEONE ELSE it seems clear to me that you need to make another appointment (with an actual doctor), saying, as if you have been assuming this was the obvious next step: "Now that I've had some time to process this news, I need to discuss with someone how to apply these changes in our household: I need to know how severe things are, whether we all need to avoid these foods or just the child does, whether even HE needs to avoid them or only in large quantities, and so on."
And actually, now that I know what I'd say, I think even I could make that call, because it just seems so SENSIBLE. A doctor (or in this case, nurse-practitioner) should not essentially tell you to "Just Google it"---they KNOW all the crazy information that's out there.
Then, if it turns out you have to give up pretty much everything that's in EVERYTHING, that's when we will have the huge grieving event, because OMG THAT WOULD SUCK SO BAD.
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