Drive-by

Yesterday, I was driving my boys home in the rain. It wasn't raining really hard and the side windows were striped and splashed so were my mirrors, making it hard to see. And so I rolled down the window and let the rain visit for a minute so that I could safely change lanes.

Epiphany.

Do you ever feel like when you are driving, it is almost like you are playing a video game? Steering wheel, gears, machinery all like a very elaborate set up at an arcade. Like, you are separated within your glass box. The air is still and cool even though you are zooming along in the July heat. You are an entity onto yourself, a unit of driver and car untouched by elements of the outside world. And then, for one reason or another, you decide to roll the window down and it is almost like waking up from a deep and stifling sleep. Suddenly, you can smell the rain's freshly laundered air. You can see how vividly green the grass looks against the steely grey sky. Drops of water scamper down your arms, amicably visiting before disappearing into the cloth of your jeans. You step through the TV screen and into the game. You are alive.

This is how I want to live my life. Not sitting secluded in my box. Not in the island of my office. But seeing, touching, tasting this life. Feeling the warmth of the sun and the coolness of the rain. Holding my children and my husband, my loves. Speaking with them and having them reply. Being present. Here. Now.

Right now.