One, Two, Skip a few, 99, 100!

On this auspicious occasion where I have sent exactly 100 posts into the blog-o-sphere, and as requested, I have done one of those '100 Things About Me' posts. You asked for it! Now here it comes!

100 Things About Me: (I will try to make them good.)

1. I was born in Ohio
2. We moved Down South when I was 10.
3. I tried for years to keep my Yankee accent.
4. I now say, "Ya'll" regularly.
5. I was a snot-nosed bratty child who was a pathological liar.
6. Then I became a Churchy McChurchington.
7. The church I belonged to was very strict and also very crazy. My parents did not attend.
8. Folks who the church put into therapy (meaning being in the church psychologically damaged them to the point that they needed therapy. And there were many many people who needed therapy. They actually formed their own support group.) called it a cult. I think it was a cult, too.
9. I was isolated and turned against my parents and not taught good coping skills for dealing with life. Because, you know, the world was going to end within the next five years, anyway. Right?
10. Now, I don't believe in any gods. Except maybe the universe...but not to the point that I think it is human-like or aware or something crazy like that. Evolution. I believe in Evolution. A miracle and a wonder.
11. I really like my lack of faith. It makes my life easier. There is no burden of behavior that is counter intuitive to what I think is the right thing to do. I no longer have to feel guilty about things because someone else said I should. I only have to answer to myself and the people I am responsible to. This makes me a better citizen, a better person.
12. I have much more awe and appreciation of the world now.
13. I am afraid of Christians. I really honestly truly feel like they are going to suck my brains out and steal my children. The thought of sitting in a building and having a man behind a pulpit talk to me about spiritual junk gives me a panicky tight trapped terrified feeling.
14. I am pretty sure that is called 'PTSD'.
15. I realize that the definition of the way I feel is called 'prejudice'. Cognitively, I know there are Christians who are actually good people. But I have a hard time believing it. Does that make sense? I struggle with it. I was in a cult for 7 years. Sue me.
16. I really do try very very hard to teach my kids religious tolerance and not let my nutso-crazies rain down upon them.
17. I have varying degrees of success.
18. After leaving the cult, my abstinence-only education came crashing down around my ears when I was introduced to...well, men.
19. I was pregnant within 4 months of leaving. (And even my very best friends ostracized me. Because they were still in the church.)
20. I do not believe in abstinence-only sex education.
21. The Bad Boy and I did not stay together. Life circumstances saved me from that hell. And it would have been hell.
22. So I had Brother alone and raised him alone until he was three. We lived with my folks until I was 23 years old.
23. I am really grateful for that. Because of that, I finished my bachelor's degree and started on my master's in Library and Information Science, which I completed after we had moved out.
24. When Brother was four, he once told Honey this: "Doug, I have to tell you a story. Once upon a time, Mommy and me lived all alone with no daddies and then Mommy said, 'Doug is coming over to make spaghetti.' The end."
25. I had never introduced Brother to any "special friend" of mine before Honey.
26. I introduced Honey to Brother very very quickly in our relationship...because he asked to be introduced.
27. No one had ever asked before.
28. It was an agonizing decision. I consulted probably everyone I knew before doing it.
29. It was a good decision.
30. Honey adopted Brother right after Honey and I were married.
31. Even though I am a feminist and even though I believe that single moms CAN do a great job at raising kids, I feel like Honey saved Brother and I.
32. From what? From me smothering Brother with too much attention because he was my life. From the ominous "Bad Boy" who could have come back into our lives and taken Brother. From a million things.
33. As a person who has experienced both worlds, let me tell you. My life is much easier due to having a two parent household.
34. I grew up in a two parent household, but like Brother the man who raised me is not my biologically father.
35. I don't put much stock in bloodlines.
36. I don't speak to my biological father.
37. This bothers me sometimes. I wonder if he can help being like he is due to having a not so great father, himself. Sometimes I think I am over it, but then I remember stuff that pisses me off again. It is a struggle.
38. I have a lot of grandmothers. Let's count. I have 5 living grandmothers. Last year it was 7 living grandmothers, but two passed away in the past year.
39. These were the only people I have ever known who have died.
40. I have never been to a funeral.
41. There are lots of places I have never been.
42. I have never been out of the country, except to Mexico on a cruise. Does that even count?
43. I have never been anywhere west of Texas.
44. Speaking of Texas, do you know there are Americans in Texas (and I am sure other places, too) who don't speak English?
45. When I found that out about 8 years ago, I was shocked.
46. Because, you know, at 19 years, I knew everything.
47. But now I don't.
48. My dad tells me that we just get dumber as we get older. What he means is as you gain more wisdom, you realize all of the things you don't know. It is like the world expands.
49. That is one of my favorite lessons from college. There is so much you don't know.
50. When I was in college, I never wanted to leave. I wanted to stay forever and get a PhD and teach Shakespeare.
51. Now, you couldn't pay me to write another paper. Well...maybe you could pay me.
52. I hate homework.
53. Now, Brother has homework. Every night. Did you remember having homework every night in elementary school?
54. When I was in elementary school, things were different. But ho ho! Not easier.
55. We had music classes. And gym classes. With a real gym. And balls. And parachutes. Life up north is better from an educational standpoint.
56. But I was the little poor girl in the richy rich neighborhood. I bet if we had stayed, I would felt the repercussions of that sooner or later.
57. When we moved Down South when I was 10, I was devastated.
58. I had grown up in contact with a very prejudiced environment.
59. There were many many racist things said to me as a young child. And I believed them.
60. Having things like this said to me my whole young life made it very very hard to move to a place that had black people actually going to the same schools with me and riding my bus
61. My parents (the ones whose house I actually lived in) are not prejudiced against people of color, but they never talked with me about tolerance, either.
62. At my old school in Ohio, there was only one black student.
63. I seethingly resent how I was made to be so fearful and prejudiced as a child. This makes me mad enough to spit. I can't stand it. I am also incredibly embarrassed, even though I know I was just a child.
64. Now I am doubly sure to talk to Brother (And Jelly Bean when he is old enough to understand more English) about the importance of tolerance for ALL people. Regardless.
65. I made my parent's life hell for about 6 months after we moved Down South. Hysterical crying to "go home" because where we lived Down South was emphatically not home.
66. That was when we moved into a house from the apartment we had stayed in initially.
67. There were kids in the new neighborhood. This was good. I had friends again.
68. This is where I met my girl, Friday.
69. The same Friday who now works with me.
70. I was not a very forward or social child.
71. I am not a very forward or social adult.
72. She said to me, on the bus, "You want to come over and play?"
73. I still love her for doing that. I would have never taken the first step.
74. Speaking of first steps, I walked kinda late. After my first birthday. Brother walked late, too. Jelly Bean walked pretty early - 10.5 months.
75. My favorite color is yellow.
76. I only like certain things being yellow. Like some houses and some birds and some flowers. Not clothes. Or at least, not my clothes.
77. My favorite flowers for growing are marigolds.
78. My favorite flowers for receiving are lilies.
79. I would grow lilies too, but marigold seeds are cheaper.
80. Plus I like the orange, red, and yellow colors.
81. When I was little, my favorite grandmother used to buy me old recital costumes from the secondhand store.
82. I used to prance around in them and pretend I was a ballerina. It was fun.
83. Because of lack of funding when I was a kid, I feel like I missed out on developing a lot of talents I might have had.
84. I really don't want that for my kids.
85. I wish we had a piano so Brother could take lessons if he wanted to. Honey wishes this, too.
86. I would like to be a stay at home mom.
87. I am not sure this will ever happen.
88. If it doesn't happen, I will be ok with it. Some things are just impossible, no matter how hard you work for them. Everyone is very keen on telling me how impossible it is.
89. I wonder a lot about how some of the families with one income make it. If we had to live on one income right now, we would have to declare bankruptcy, default on our student loans, sell our house (if we even COULD sell our house), and rent a tiny apartment somewhere to live.
90. I think people who live on one income must either not have as many bills as we do, or know some magic secret that I don't know.
91. I would like to be a stay at home mom so I could have another baby.
92. If we don't figure out how I can stay home for at least a year or two, I am not even sure we will have a third child. I can't do it again.
93. Having Jelly Bean and having to go back to work was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
94. I felt cheated...as outlined in much detail in this blog.
95. Funny fact is, I really love my job.
96. I am convinced I will never ever find a more perfect job.
97. I worry that if by some miracle I do get the opportunity to quit my job, I will regret making that decision.
98. I think my husband is the most perfect man who has ever walked the Earth. I should call him 'Hey Zeus'. He is really that awesome.
99. I know it is trite and cliche, but I love him more now than I ever imagined would be possible for me to love a man. I know everyone says that, but I really mean it. If I believed in fate, if I believed in one person for everyone, I would know he is my match.
100. And now...I have to pee.

The End!