One year and a couple days ago, a journey of self exploration was set upon to embrace the multitude of facets of family life....
No no no. That's wrong.
One year and a couple days ago, a mother set out to chronicle the daily lives of herself and her family...
Not quite. Let's try again.
One year and a couple of days ago, I was sitting in a hotel room with my two boys waiting for Honey to get out of his conference, being bored, when inspiration struck. Kind of.
I could be a blogger! Look! All the world can hear me bitch and moan!
So, I wrote this. And I liked it. So I did it again and again and again.
So, here I am, 129 posts later. Happy Birthday, Little Blog (In the words of The Flying Mum.) Thanks to all of you who have read my shenanigans and complaints and mini-triumphs for the past year. May you never tire of my drivel. Amen.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Only This
Seize the day, seize whatever you can
'Cause life slips away just like hourglass sand
-Carolyn Arends
'Cause life slips away just like hourglass sand
-Carolyn Arends
This quote has been on my mind for the past couple of days. A throwback from my churchy years. But its message rings through so clearly sometimes. Life is short. Pay attention. There is only this.
My Uncle, my father's younger brother, is dying. I am not really looking for condolences as we are not close and rarely speak. He lives a perplexing life from my point of view. He does things that I cannot fathom. Like not disciplining his children because he 'loves' them. Or using the house note to buy illegal substances. But he is so young and has three young children. One born the week before Brother. Soon, he will no longer be at the family reunions. Will his wife, who doesn't get along with my grandmother still come? Will I ever see these first cousins born in a different generation again? Or very often, even.
And how must these children feel. I can't imagine. Two of them are so close in age to Brother that I can't help but think of my own child losing his father. Or me losing my husband. And tears well up in my eyes and spill over. What loss. What huge loss. It is moments and times like these that smack me in the face with the fragility of life. How in a moment, everything can change. How taking something like "two years from now" for granted seems foolhardy. This uncle of mine has no two years from now. The doctors are baffled and there is nothing they can do.
What does one do with a death sentence like that? You have a terrible disease and soon your life will end. What do you do? I guess we all assume we would quit our jobs and see the world. Travel to Everest and drive through Tuscany. See the Louvre. I don't know why we assume that if we hear the words "one year left" that we will suddenly become flush with money. I know my uncle's family is not. I know his wife drives ungodly distances to work everyday because she has to, to pay the rent and put food on the table. I am sure she would rather be home with her kids and her husband on some of the very last days they will have as a family. Maybe another March will not come for them. Maybe.
So, I am trying to remember how to live in this moment and still plan for the next, remembering the last. I am soaking in every second with my boys remembering that today is only for today. Tomorrow will be different. And I will miss every moment I am living right now. So let Brother sleep on the floor in my room and play the god-awful video games. There are a finite number of times he will ask for these things and a finite number of seconds in all of our lives. So let's make them good.
My Uncle, my father's younger brother, is dying. I am not really looking for condolences as we are not close and rarely speak. He lives a perplexing life from my point of view. He does things that I cannot fathom. Like not disciplining his children because he 'loves' them. Or using the house note to buy illegal substances. But he is so young and has three young children. One born the week before Brother. Soon, he will no longer be at the family reunions. Will his wife, who doesn't get along with my grandmother still come? Will I ever see these first cousins born in a different generation again? Or very often, even.
And how must these children feel. I can't imagine. Two of them are so close in age to Brother that I can't help but think of my own child losing his father. Or me losing my husband. And tears well up in my eyes and spill over. What loss. What huge loss. It is moments and times like these that smack me in the face with the fragility of life. How in a moment, everything can change. How taking something like "two years from now" for granted seems foolhardy. This uncle of mine has no two years from now. The doctors are baffled and there is nothing they can do.
What does one do with a death sentence like that? You have a terrible disease and soon your life will end. What do you do? I guess we all assume we would quit our jobs and see the world. Travel to Everest and drive through Tuscany. See the Louvre. I don't know why we assume that if we hear the words "one year left" that we will suddenly become flush with money. I know my uncle's family is not. I know his wife drives ungodly distances to work everyday because she has to, to pay the rent and put food on the table. I am sure she would rather be home with her kids and her husband on some of the very last days they will have as a family. Maybe another March will not come for them. Maybe.
So, I am trying to remember how to live in this moment and still plan for the next, remembering the last. I am soaking in every second with my boys remembering that today is only for today. Tomorrow will be different. And I will miss every moment I am living right now. So let Brother sleep on the floor in my room and play the god-awful video games. There are a finite number of times he will ask for these things and a finite number of seconds in all of our lives. So let's make them good.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
-Mary Oliver
-Mary Oliver
Friday, March 21, 2008
Friday is Good
Today I am choosing to think of staying home, playing in the warm sunshine and watching Jelly Bean pet the lettuces in the garden. Today may be a holiday (as I am home), but I get to think about whatever I want and be thankful for whatever I choose. Yet another perk, in my opinion, of the atheist gig. And I am in love with the Spring-time presents this year. What an abundance of Easter gifts I have been given and the Bunny hasn't even shown up yet.
Today is beautiful. The sun is grinning its cat-who-ate-the-canary grin. I have packed up all of the candy the kids got from school yesterday and sent Brother on his way with said bundle into the neighborhood with instructions to "share with friends and don't bring any back." "Oh, and throw the papers in the trash can." Jelly Bean and I went to gaze longingly at the seedlings in the garden and give them a pep talk.
Come on guys! You can do it! Just a little taller!
Ok, so I am a bit weird. I chided the wee Bean "Gentle, gentle" as he stroked the Buttercrunch lettuce and its sweet tender texture. He squatted down to get a real good look at the beans, which are currently the tallest plant we have. The yard is drying up a bit and there is more room to walk in the warm grass. We peered at the silvery buds of leaves on the maples. Although Honey may disagree, we are blessed to have all these loud and raucous signs of Spring when Spring actually shows up. Darling buds of March, indeed.
I wish you a Happy Friday. May you feel thankful and blessed for this day and everyday we are granted to be in the world, beneath the sun, and among each other.
Today is beautiful. The sun is grinning its cat-who-ate-the-canary grin. I have packed up all of the candy the kids got from school yesterday and sent Brother on his way with said bundle into the neighborhood with instructions to "share with friends and don't bring any back." "Oh, and throw the papers in the trash can." Jelly Bean and I went to gaze longingly at the seedlings in the garden and give them a pep talk.
Come on guys! You can do it! Just a little taller!
Ok, so I am a bit weird. I chided the wee Bean "Gentle, gentle" as he stroked the Buttercrunch lettuce and its sweet tender texture. He squatted down to get a real good look at the beans, which are currently the tallest plant we have. The yard is drying up a bit and there is more room to walk in the warm grass. We peered at the silvery buds of leaves on the maples. Although Honey may disagree, we are blessed to have all these loud and raucous signs of Spring when Spring actually shows up. Darling buds of March, indeed.
I wish you a Happy Friday. May you feel thankful and blessed for this day and everyday we are granted to be in the world, beneath the sun, and among each other.
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