So, as an inspiration from my dear "friend" Catherine, I have decided to open myself unto the world for its unedited scrutiny.
Not.
Actually that is my biggest fear. All the people telling me how I am screwing up every day. And believe me, I screw up every day. Multiple times. Hourly. In fact, I think by admitting this, I am already in the midst of my screwing-up-ness. Oh well.
So, we are in Disney World. Is it me, or would we have all had a better time at the beach and napping rather than on a mad dash to see every sight and ride every ride and spend every penny that we really don't have? We really are having a good time though. I love how my oldest can barely spit out the words to tell me how great something was... because it was just SO GREAT!!! I stay outside with the baby a bit when things are too loud or simply prohibitive of small babies and my wonderful husband takes Brother on the rides.
My eldest son has been trying my patience at every corner. He is 6 and I am not sure if it is just him being 6 or if it is my very very short supply of patience and amazing ability to be annoyed at the drop of a hat. I don't like either choice. I do not want him to be annoying by nature and I sure hate being the kind of super-mama who fusses at every turn, leaping from contentment to shouting to immediate shame in 6.35 seconds. Mixed with the shame is the ever present albatross beating me over the head with the great stick of inadequacy. "Why can't you be more...." Fill in the blank. Patient. Loving. Motherly? I fear I shall put him into therapy with my seemingly ever constant berating. "Brush your teeth, Brother." "Brother, have you brushed your teeth? No? Please do so." "Bro, go brush your teeth." And finally: "BROTHER!!! GO. BRUSH. YOUR. TEEEEEETH." in the voice of the unbearable cross of the horror of Mommy Dearest and the Incredible Hulk on a rampage which sends him wildly careening from the room as if it were the first he had ever heard of this so-called 'teeth brushing' phenomenon.
Sigh.
As with every act of anger, there is an equal and opposite act of contrition. I apologize for shouting and try to reason into his brain that if he would just please listen the first 5 times I ask for something, I would be less likely to lose my temper. It seems like we have the same conversation over and over. But I love him so much. I try to keep this in mind as well as the consequences of parenting with my temper. Do I want him to become me? Gods no. I need to write this on my heart and on my mind: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
1 comment:
Misty.... I don't know if this is a good thing or not, but I have that same conversation with Jack all the time. I tell him once, twice, three times, four times, finally lose it on 5x, to get his shoes on and get ready to leave. And then he says, Why are you freaking out? Of course, I say it's because I have to tell him something 5x, every time, and if he would listen and do it the first time, I wouldn't have to keep telling him and thus wouldn't get aggravated. And he tells me, no, he doesn't listen because I have "anger issues." =] What fun when you kid thinks he is smarter than you!
Anyway.... Remember you are doing the best you can. Constructively criticizing yourself is ok. Beating yourself up is not. It makes you feel crappy and that's all. Give you a break! Nobody's perfect, I promise.
xoxoxoxoxo
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