Unexpected

You know, I never meant for this to happen. When I was transitioning my life last February, I realized I would have to give some things up. Leave, some money, flex scheduling. The ability to go to my kids' school functions without a second thought.

I didn't realize that I would give up housework to an even higher level than I ever had before...And believe me, the house wasn't clean to begin with.  I would give up my comfort zone and have to deal with unhappy people daily that I would be expected to appease even when the answer was still, I'm sorry, no. I would give up wearing jeans and tennis shoes to work.

I was more focused on what I would gain. Amazing creative opportunities. The opportunity to make my community a better place on a really fundamental level. Perhaps the one and only shot I was ever going to get to use those letters behind my name in my small town. The ability to expand my resume. (One surprising thing that I gained is this --  the ability to be more widely read. I know that seems like a 'duh' issue, but the truth is that I always had access to the materials. I had a library card. But I heard somewhere right before I started the new gig that people who are emotionally uncomfortable or feel uneasy or threatened are likely to be less adventurous readers. They want comfort in their reading material. Folks who are more content and happy with their lives are not afraid to be challenged by their reading material. They are not afraid to venture away from their comfort zone. I didn't know at the time how scared I was; how terrified I was of the world. I literally had read some of the same books over and over for years. I sought the comfort of knowing exactly what would happen in a world of escape where nothing was close to reality. This idea was and is profound to me.)

I knew that I would need to be innovative in my new job, I just didn't realize that it would take every ounce of creative energy I had. I finally realized how much creative energy I was pouring into my job when I was off for over a week for Hurricane Issac. I started making mad plans to start an etsy business in my spare time after I learned a new craft that I literally have no experience with. I was plotting out work spaces and budgets for days until I realized I was just BORED. One week and all that energy had to go somewhere, come hell or high water.

Of all the things I anticipated giving up, I didn't realize I would give this up.

I miss writing here. I started writing here on a Disney trip when Jelly Bean was 6 months old. He is now 6 YEARS old. I started writing here because of Catherine Newman. Because I had admired her work so much a million years ago and figured I could maybe do that, too. Write lovely things about my children and my life.

A reporter while interviewing me a couple of weeks ago said that he would say to his younger self this: Study the written word! He was an older guy and in the years before the internet, there was fear that the printed word was fading. Now, while paper itself might be getting a little passe, the written form of the language is stronger than ever.  I believe this. I believe in user generated content as a community builder.

Gretchen Rubin said (or at least quoted it in her book) that what we do every day matters more than what we do once in a while.  I believe this is likely true. I would like to cook dinner every day. I would like to go to the gym every day. I think that these goals are honorable and worthwhile. And yet, I can't seem to accomplish them.  I  believe that when there is a job to be done, give the job to the busy person. Busy people get things done. Maybe I am being paradoxical and not making any sort of sense.

I still read what you write. I'm still here, even in the background, even if I am not contributing. I know you are probably sick of me saying that I will try harder. I am kind of sick of it myself. I think maybe I will branch out a little bit. Try some new things. I could move somewhere else, but I think I would rather have a single place rather than a bunch of different ones. At least, that is what I am telling myself today.

~~~
As an aside, a million years ago, I had a contest for some books. The delay is that the teacher flaked and didn't order my items. So! I will make amends in some other way.  There will be books, for sure. And the randomly generated winner is #1....Swistle! A lesson to all of us who don't want to be first in contests. I will contact you. Yay. Happiness.