Dynamic Change

I have always been pretty close to my mom and dad. They are the only family we have in the state, basically. But over a year ago, everything changed.

My parents had kids.

Not in the typical sense. Through a long and complicated course of events involving absentee, substance-addicted relatives, other relatives suffering from dementia and dying of cancer, my mom and dad are now raising two teenage cousins of mine. A boy and a girl. Darla, who is 15, and Thom, who is 13. (Obviously not their real names, or did you think my kids were really named Jelly and Scooter? :) )

As you can imagine, this has changed our family dynamics quite a bit. It used to be me, my folks, and Brother. Then Honey came along. Soon after, Jelly and Scooter. We went out to eat on the weekends and my parents always treated. We went on vacation together. We had ready made babysitters almost whenever we wanted them. There was much "staying over at Grandma & Popo's house." My mom bought all of my kids' clothes. Most of that doesn't happen anymore.

I realize some of that makes me sound like a spoiled brat. Out to eat every weekend? It is ok that is gone, to be honest. My mother buying all the clothes? This was occasionally a cause of frustration because I *never* got to pick out anything for them and she buys wayyyy too much and the closets/laundry situation was unbearable. (I tried to reason with her about it. Her line was that she was the grandma and would do as she damn well pleased. Try arguing with that.) She still does buy clothes sometimes, but I most certainly have to contribute. Still, I had no idea how shocking it was going to be to go drop $180 on uniforms at the beginning of school. Ok. Spoiled. I know.

For a long time we all continued how we had been, but with two strangers tagging along. Strangers with issues. My folks had kind of let me raise myself in a lot of ways. My mother couldn't even tell you where I went to college or what my minor is in. She didn't have to. Now, my dad emails with every single teacher these kids have at least once a week. He is on a first name basis with many of their teachers. Now, my parents call me for parenting advice. With me, their "B-, C" game was fine. These kids require their "A+" game.

My parents have also changed as people, as well. My mother especially. She is far more stressed, far less happy, far more irritable than I can remember her ever being in my life. In a way, I think she is counting the years until they are both 18.

My parents wanted to have kids after me, but couldn't. It just goes to show you that sometimes life has a way of giving you what you thought you wanted, but it turns out not being what you wanted at all. I guess I am sounding pretty harsh. I am still a little bitter. My kids lost their grandparents, in a way. Jelly and Scooter will never have the grandma and grandpa Brother had. It feels like I have lost my mom and dad. They have been replaced by these folks who feel more like friends, equals. It is strange. In a way, this makes me feel less close to them.

The kids are getting better. Darla will speak to me now. It took a year. I think finally my folks have figured out enough ways to get them to do their schoolwork. I just hope that in the end, when these kids are my age, they realize what was done for them, how much sacrifice was made to get them through high school and teach them how to be decent human beings. To provide them with a life they could have never had. I hope they are saved. I hope their future is brighter for the time spent in my parents' home. Mostly, I want them to be thankful, although I know that is probably asking too much.