Honey and I were at lunch yesterday in a cafe downtown. Across the street, there were bronzed blond little girls with the messy-yet-styled ponytails standing in front of a gym. I imagined what they were doing. Whether they would have fries with their wrap or if they just ate non-wrapped kelp. Then I said to Honey:
Do you ever wish you were fundamentally different? That you were a completely different person?
Of course, I got a questioning look and a request to elaborate. What I mean is, my idea of a good time is sitting in my recliner with a good book and happy, non-distracting children around me. I wouldn't go into a club to, say, do one of those spinning classes where the seat of the bike is literally shoved up your butt so far it makes muscles you didn't even know you had hurt. And spin and burn like 800 calories in one sitting? I would need hundreds of dollars of compensation to think that was a good idea. It is not my idea of fun. Like I love the idea of being an active person, a doer. But in reality I don't enjoy it. Similar to how I want to be a wine drinker, but hate the taste.
I am not a doer. I am a sit-er.
I have a friend who runs marathons. Who delivered plans for a child-sized picnic table to her husband before work and when she came home that evening, it was built from scratch and sitting in the backyard. I am constantly tired and can't even keep my house clean. I wish I were the kind of person who came home from work and tackled the list of things needing doing and enjoyed it. I know these people exist in the world. And I wish I were one of them.
I told this to a friend and she said: But you bake cupcakes with the kids and garden and have a composting system. You do things!
I guess it isn't that I don't do anything, it is that I want to do more, but feel like doing more is fundamentally at odds with my personality. And in some ways, I am ok with that. A small part of me thinks I may do things when I am older, when I have less people to take care of. More time to sleep. My house will be cleaner. My gardens will be better kept. My bedroom will have furniture. I will have time for hobbies. I will build my own damn picnic table, if that is what I choose. But the waiting? I wonder if it is a mistake, waiting for life to be the way I want it to be. What if all I have is this? Things never end up the way you think they will.
And yet, I would still probably choose to be in the chair reading a book.
8 comments:
Your friend is right, but you knew that. I'm probably your definition of a 'doer'. I don't sit still until I flop into bed, exhausted. I constantly have many projects on the go - I'm baking cookies while I wait for paint to dry, painting another coat while the cookies bake, cleaning out a cupboard while the 2nd coat dries... The whole time, I'm thinking how NICE it will be when all the projects are done and I can just sit in that recliner and read peacefully. But the projects will never be done, because I'll always find a new one to replace the completed one.
We can't all be do-ers, right? Just like we all can't be leaders. I'm not a doer. I do my share but I'm happiest snuggling up with a good book, a cat on my lap and some serious relaxation.
YES, I think about this too! I have acquaintance who LOVE to go hiking, and I think, "Wouldn't that be nice, to love that? The fresh air! The nature! The invigorating exercise!" But...I don't love it. I also don't enjoy going to operas, repairing appliances, sunbathing, playing board games, star-gazing, oil painting, or camping. I like newborns, hotels, reading books, writing letters, shopping for bargains, baking, collecting postcards, donating blood, giving presents. It's so odd to be ONE WAY and NONE of the OTHER WAYS!
Amen sister! A book, a chair and quiet sounds fantastic to me!
Oh, I love this post! I am not a doer at all! I sometimes get a bug in my ear about something that MUST!BE!DONE!NOW! but that rarely happens. I cannot multitask at home, I cannot plan out elaborate projects. I cannot keep my counters or kitchen table free from clutter. It's just not in my nature.
Reading, vegging in front of the TV, and generally just hanging out are the things that are more my speed.
I took a spinning class once when I was young; before Hub and I were married. I couldn't walk for a week. You aren't wrong about steering clear from those classes.
I want to be a wine drinker too. But by the time I finally got used to it I got in trouble for drinking too large of a glass (or five) blasting the music and dancing around the house at 9pm...so I can't do that.
I started running, but I really suck at it.
But I really wouldn't mind being a bronzed blonde whatsherface with that messy but styled pony tail...can you figure out how to make that happen because I would totally DO that! Only...you know without doing anything and still eating fries
Yes! And is it better for a doer to be married to a doer or a non-doer? I wonder sometimes.
I want to be a do-er, but I am a sit-er. I think mostly it is because I am overwhelmed by all the work that needs to be done. As I type this a list of jobs is lining up in my head. GAHHHH
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