Light

So, here's another entry into Fitness Friday. The dazzling! spontaneous! clever! event you wait the entire week to read!

Ok, so probably not. Meh, here goes anyway.

Poundage:
Start: 189
Now: 182.5
*Up 0.5 lbs from last week*

How do I feel about this? Ambivalent. Last weekend I didn't watch what I ate nearly as closely as a should. Or rather, I watched what I ate very closely but the "What the hell" thought came into my head a lot. And many brownies were consumed. (They were awesome, I will have you know.)

Inchage:
Total loss of 9.75 inches
*Down 0.25 inches from last week*

Once again, ambivalence and kinda of glad it wasn't worse. I did think I would be further along than I am now. And kicking myself a bit. I thought I would be sleek, svelte, and gorgeous in time for my anniversary next week. Thus far I am just avoiding having to buy bigger clothes. Which is good. But still. I was really hoping for those size 12s that are chummy with the dust bunnies in the bottom of my closet. Just keep plugging along.

I am trying to really not frame what I am doing in moral terms. I.e. when I am eating cheesecake, I am being "bad" or when I am eating celery I am being "good." Like, yesterday I attended a press conference and ate probably 10 delicious little finger sandwiches and 6 mini pastries and it was so delicious. AND I drank two glasses of lemonade. And I am ok with this. A noted feminist writer smiled at me when I told her I shouldn't have ate that last finger sandwich...I wasn't feeling so hot. She said isn't it funny how when women eat in public, especially in a self service fashion, they always apologize about how much they are eating? I smiled as well. I have noticed.

But I was not ashamed of being hungry or enjoying the things that I ate, I told her. Pleasure is not a shameful thing. Women deserve pleasures, even though society thinks that all our our appetites should be supressed for us to be acceptable. Making note of this in my head is really empowering. Owning the cravings of my body and telling myself that I am 'ok'. This makes me feel floaty and light. I am ok.