To Change or Not To Change, That is the Question.

Sometimes I am really amazed at how I change as a person. My 18-year-old self would not even associate with my current self, because my current self is a damn heathen and is most obviously going to rot in hell forever. Even my 25-year-old self would be flabbergasted at how at peace I have become with working outside the home and not being home alllll dayyyy long with the kids. I would have never dreamed that I would be 97% peachy keen with my current situation. And yet, here I am. I told a friend of mine that when Jelly was a teeny baby, it was my dream to stay home with my kids. When she asked, "What about now?" As I was gestating Baby at the time, I said, "Now, I have different dreams."

Even a couple years ago, I took a class and a test and obtained certification to work in the school system as a librarian. I thought I was ready for the change. In the end, the class taught me a really valuable lesson: that I didn't want to work in the school system.

Now I am looking at a different self inflicted change. Something with a little less impact. I am thinking about changing the names of the kids on the blog. Not to their bona fide actual real names, but maybe to names that are more accessible. Names that perhaps maybe reflect gender. Clarifying names as in "I am talking about little people, not gerbils." However, I am still clinging a bit to their blog names, because I actually call the kids these cheesy nick names. Well, sometimes. Jelly gets called Jelly Bean the most. Brother actually gets called Moo-Moo. (*Ahem*) And Baby gets called TeTe (sounds like tea-tea, like the drink, although it has nothing to do with tea. It is actually a shortening of "sweet, sweet" as in "sweet, sweet baby") or Doodles. And I call them all 'Little Bear'. (Jeez, makes you wonder why you pick out a name for a kid when you don't even consistently call them by that name.)

Anyway, there is a poll over there, if you care to help me with my decision making process. And you could tell me what nicknames/baby names you have for your kids. Or! Give me suggestions on what I should rename my kids on the blog. Or just your opinions on the weather. I don't mind.

Stuffage: How Boring Can I Get?

• The baby was caught with a potato chip this morning. I am told he was very upset when it was taken. I am not surprised. I would be mad if someone took the chip I was eating, too.
• Summertime is expensive. My childcare costs just skyrocket in the summer with camps and field trips. Plus, this is the first year of homecare, so if I want them to do activities like crafts and stuff, I have to think it up and pay for it, too. I don't really mind, it is just another task added to my list.
• Our air conditioner needs replacing. It is right outside our master bedroom right now, where we have dreams of building a deck someday. So we are moving it as well. Goodbye $7600. I have no idea what I would have done with you, but this probably wouldn't have been my first choice.
• My house is so completely disgusting, I can no longer take it. (The yard is pretty bad, too.) I am trying to con a 15-year-old girl cousin of mine (Let's call her Wednesday) into coming over and helping me clean. I sincerely hope she accepts. If not, I need to find someone else willing to clean for minimum wage.
• I have boxes and I want to fill them with crap and get them the every loving heck out of my house. I just have to find a child-free time to do this. It is getting close to the point where I want to just chuck it all in the garbage rather than sort it into "perfectly good enough to give away" and "trash". I need to make this happen before THROW IT AWAY THROW IT ALL AWAY JUST GET IT OUT becomes my battle cry.
• I haven't talked to my grandma in months. I feel bad about this. Must call Nana.
• I need to schedule Baby's 9 month pictures. This requires determining a non-fussy time of day, actually making an appointment, finding decent coupons and determining an acceptable outfit. Jeez.
• I need to go to the: dollar store, grocery store, bank, bookstore.
• We are going to tour the farm where our CSA vegetables are grown this weekend. That should be fun. We are also going to a baseball game. Also fun.
• That's all folks. (Ok, that is totally NOT all. But I have to go actually do said tasks and quit writing about them.)

Updates

• The dog didn't work out. Surprise! We went to go visit with her and it went splendidly. A few days later, we brought her home and she was even better behaved than she was on the visit. Wonderful! I should have known better. I was very very concerned about the Baby having a pet allergy because he is so young and so much is unknown. And Brother used to have a cat sensitivity when he was younger, but if he washed his hands after petting, it was ok. Plus, Brother hadn't had a reaction of any sort for mortal years. Jelly pets neighborhood cats all the time, so I didn't think a dog would be a problem for him because people are more allergic to cats than dogs, right? Right? Wrong. When we were visiting with the dog, we didn't make her lick Jelly. We should have, but we didn't. (Hello, Hindsight! I heard you were 20/20.) And doggie kisses give Jelly hives. So, that is over. We were all a little heartbroken. Sometimes I feel like I miss the dog, even though she was only at our house for 24 hours. I have promised myself another dog when my kids are grown. And maybe the allergy will fade. Jelly is only 4.

• Our CSA is going splendidly. I really love it and will be sad when it is over. The picture above was taken by a friend who is also participating of last week's haul. They had some sort of magic string beans that were dark purple, but turned green when cooked. So fun. Where we live, you can grow cole crops in the wintertime. I hope they do a fall sign-up as well. It was pricey, but worth every single penny.

• Honey recently received his first paycheck from that 70's Institution. Holy goodness, I felt like the heavens had opened up and angels were singing praise to the glory of Financial Resources. I paid a big chunk of a credit card bill and nearly danced around my office in glee. We are so so grateful. We are so so grateful. We are so so grateful. We were lucky. It wasn't that hard. We know how to live on just a little. But we also know that so many folks are looking for work. Qualified, intelligent, hard working people. I have high hopes for this job. I hope it can provide the home Honey was looking for. The fulfillment he lacked while chasing dollar signs. I hope this job means no more contract work ever again, Amen.

• I am crafting a plan. I think it will work. Maybe. I am tired of living in a fat suit and as soon as New Baby is done nursing, I think I am going to go on a Akins-type no-carb diet for 30 days. Nothing but chicken and leafy green veggies. I won't even lie. It is not about health. It is not about being fit. It is about getting out of the fat suit. I know I can't do it long term, but you can do ANYTHING for a month, right? Then I think on the 31st day, I will join WeightWatchers again and eat my weekly point allowance in Snickerdoodles. I can live on WeightWatchers. You can eat treats and still lose weight. I LOVE that. But I feel like I need a jump start.

• Now, I just have to figure out timing. Brother and Jelly self weaned...and I know I will probably regret it if I don't let the Baby self wean. I am just impatient. I hope right around 12-13 months he decides he has had enough nursing and moves on. But New Baby had a reaction to blueberry yogurt. So, if he ends up having a dairy allergy, I will probably make the decision to nurse for longer. I wish it wasn't so darn complicated, but that's life.