Tomorrow we fly to see our family in a far far away state. We won't get in until very late and I am thinking that late night + strange beds = lack of sleep and fussy mama and kids. We have a family reunion of sorts and I was hoping to show my husband the green green hills covered with silky northern grass in the bright sunshine of my hometown. I was hoping to walk barefoot as I did in my childhood. Alas...
It is supposed to be 50 bloody degrees and I have to mentally "repack" for the family as all the new clothes I bought was for sunny bright clear 75 degree weather! You know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men...and mamas.
Speaking of sleep deprivation, this morning Jelly Bean woke up at 5 AM instead of the usual 6:30 or thereabouts. He was happy happy, like he is most every morning until about 7, when he decided to be clingy and whiny, mashing his little face against my thighs under my skirt and wiping boogers on me. I like that he wants me. Really. But then there are the times when he is holding on to me, but I want to, you know, move? And I can't pick him up that second because I am, you know, busy? So I move. And he falls on his mini-tushie. And he cries and I feel like my conscience is saying "Bad Mama, don't make the baby cry!" But dude. I mean, a girl has to be able to get dressed.
Also, there are occasions where I feel like I am nothing more than a pair of boobs. The only reason he loves me is for the boobs. If I dare hold Jelly Bean while in any quasi-nursing position, he arches his back and flails to get into said proper position. No matter if he is full. No matter if he has just eaten and couldn't fit one more swig into his round tummy. Milk! Now!
I asked my husband the other day if I was maybe being a little self indulgent with this nursing thing. We have been working hard to push the solid foods to help him out of the 5th percentile, but the Bean still won't take anything but milk from a bottle and he will NOT accept this bottle business from me. Sometimes not even if I am in the same room. I really want to nurse until he is at least a year...maybe longer. It is important to me. Despite the obvious benefits, I feel like this makes me a better mama. I like this sacrifice, if you can really call it that. Anyway, this morning my hubby answered my doubts about my selfishness like this, "Do you still feel like you are being self indulgent when the kid is latched on at 2 AM playing 'pinch, poke, you owe me a coke' with your boobs?" Umm, No. I guess not. I mean, he is a little pincher and my breasts are nearly as sore as in the beginning because of his roughness. Brother was never that rough. It is so funny how kids are so different.
Just to let everyone know, I am having a lot of fun meeting all of you, reading what you think about, and generally sharing in your lives even if it is just a little bit. I'm glad you are out there somewhere. I am glad I know just where to find you.
2 comments:
Oh, those babies! Whenever I get nostalgic for another one (we are done - no more for us, just our Ben) I will read this post and remember what it was really like. Excellent post, thank you for sharing it.
sorry about that early waking. it's shocking to me how much difference 15 minutes one way or the other can make!
also about the nursing: you're allowed to have feelings about it that are both strong and confusing. i really wasn't prepared for how emotional, in every way, the experience would be.
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