Quitter

So, I have been on the no sugar/no grains kick for 16 days. And it is about to come to a close. I will tell you why. There are a couple reasons.

I think it was an excellent detox. I don't crave sugar or pasta or rice. (Now, if you put a sundae in front of me, what am I to do?) I lost 6.5 lbs, which is decent. I kind of expected it to be more drastic seeing as I drastically changed my eating habits. But, no. Not really.

So, I don't really miss the treats or the bread. But here's the thing. I work full time and with commute and chauffeuring the kids, I am out of the house 10 hours a day. Then add evening activities that consist of another 3 hours and that is 13 hours I am not at home. I am just having a hard time finding things to eat that fit into this self-inflicted condition. Sugar is in a lot of stuff. Flours are in a lot of stuff. Even if I get a frozen dinner that is only about 350 calories, there is probably some sort of thickener in the gravy and I have to throw out the fruit, because they most likely put sugar on it. The eating style doesn't bother me, but it is hugely inconvenient. I have to cook vegetarian for Brother, nut-free for Jelly Bean, and something other than ramen noodles for Honey (because he is a grown up. He should have 'flavor' and 'something other than sugar and simple carbs' for dinner.) And me only eating vegetables, meat and beans is just too complicated. I need to simplify, not make anything harder right now. Plus, I will admit that I would just go hungry rather than figure out what to eat on this restrictive plan.

This reminded me, whilst on my commute this morning, how much I loved WeightWatchers. It worked for me and I could eat whatever I wanted. Want a cookie? Have one. But you are going to have to compensate later. It was just flexible and workable and frankly, the weight loss was approximately the same, so why am I jumping through hoops? Also, my nursing supply is lagging a bit. Normally I would just eat a good bit of oatmeal and rice and it would right itself. But that isn't going to work on a low carb plan.

I kind of hate not finishing what I start. I like to see myself as steadfast and committed. A goal-achiever. And I could stick with the 'plan' for the next two weeks, but I am going to give myself a break... and go to a WW's meeting on Saturday.

Growing

When I see pictures of teeny newborn babies, Oh, I want a newborn baby. My chest gets all heavy and my eyes get all teary and I just want to snuggle that new floppy little pumpkin pie. I remember the days my own kids were born and a brand new person was put in my arms. I remember the first things I said to them and exactly how they looked. I think of little fingers with the long long nails and the little squirrel feet that always seem too big and impossibly small. How the diapers were practically smaller than your hand, but the little bear just swam in it. Oh, I miss it. The newborn stage goes away so fast.

But really really really, when pressed, I would most likely say that I am mostly fine with the no more babies status of our family. Because, even though I would love to have a newborn, a newborn becomes a KID in about 10 seconds flat. And I can barely handle the kids I've got. Honey has some work thing tonight and somehow I have managed to schedule back to back swimming lessons for 2 hours right at the time the baby would be wanting to go to bed for the night. Yeah. So, I get to go and make sure no one drowns while wrangling a 10-month-old that I can't actually put down. I am seriously considering bringing the pack and play just for a small reprieve if I have to fish Jelly out of the pool. (This really won't happen...I think.) I never bring all three of them anywhere by myself and honestly, I don't like to go places like the store or even out to eat as a family. That sounds awful and in my head it is the most perfect thing to do, but reality is nearly never pleasant. Waves of anxiety envelop my psyche. I get twitchy. Someone is going to get lost or run over by a bus or eat a peanut, so help me god. We're all going to die, so can we just please get back in the minivan and go home?

Perhaps I need to speak to a professional about this. *Ahem*

Growing up has its good points. You know who, just within the past few months has turned into my favorite person to hang out with? Brother. Ten seems like such a great age. He is funny. He tells jokes and they are actually funny! No more nonsensical knock-knock jokes! Hallelujah! He makes puns and word plays. And he asks me questions and listens to the answers. He has the best smile and I love to crack him up. But he is still young enough to let me give him great big hugs. He tells me he loves me. This might be my salvation. I never thought that I would like the older kid phase as much as the baby phase, but there is that potential. Maybe it will be ok after all.

Week One - Progress

Just thought I would check in with the sugar/grain fast thing. I am doing pretty well on it. The first few days I was super tired in the evenings. My body kind of went kaput at about 7 PM and I kinda laid there trying not to fall asleep before the bedtime routines for the boys could even start. Now, I am much better. I 'fell' off the wagon twice. Once on a date with my husband at Outback. Once at a minor league baseball game. Cocktails and hot dog buns are apparent weaknesses. But I am cutting myself some slack and not abandoning the project entirely. We all mess up sometimes. I just hop right back on that sugar-free train. Although I will say that at Outback, after our meal, I nearly fell asleep in the booth. I can't figure that out. Kind of ruined our date to be perfectly honest. And the baby is sleeping well, so I don't think that was the problem. Anyway, I am still figuring this out.

My heartburn issues have decreased by about 75%, I would say. I am still taking a Zantac at night, but think this week I will try cutting the dose in half. I am not wild about taking pills everyday and would love to be rid of this habit.

I have lost 5 pounds, but have been eating when hungry...and that seems like a lot. I probably eat 5 to 6 times a day. But I have been eating SO MUCH fruits and vegetables. I feel like those don't hold me as long as other stuff, so I have to eat more often. It kind of feels like since I am not having grains or treats, I am just choosing other things. I think Michael Pollan has a point. When you choose not to eat something, you are choosing to eat something else. I think he was referring to the meat vs vegetable debate, but the concept still applies, even if I am explaining it poorly. Anyway, if I am hungry, I eat. I am still nursing, so my supply is always on my mind. I pump at work, so I have a pretty good gauge of how I am doing and I haven't seen any change so far.

I am still working on cutting sugar out of my diet without substituting a whole lot of artificial sweeteners. I can handle about one dose, but much more than that and I get a nearly instant migraine. Salad dressings are a bit difficult. A lot of them have added sugar. I am not a really big salad eater, but I like a little with cucumbers or baby carrots. I am finding Bleu Cheese to be pretty good with 1 gram of sugar in it. I think I remember it being ok on the South Beach Diet I tried a few years ago along with Cesar. I am still having dairy and butter and cheese. I make sure to have protein to stave off hunger.

As far as cravings go, it hasn't been bad. I don't lie in bed ruminating about Twinkies. It is mostly when a food is in front of me that I want it. But I bought the kids donuts and some other treats the other day and have no desire for them. I don't really want any pasta or rice. I did have a craving for a BLT yesterday on whole grain wheat bread, but it was fleeting.

They have a local gym that offers just class fitness with no contracts for a very reasonable monthly fee that I would like to join. I really miss my dance classes, but my instructor moved out of state while I was busy having a baby. I want to go sign up for that gym this week.